Top 6 Ways to Achieve More Meaningful Social Connections

When we arrive in Hong Kong from where ever it is that we are from, many of us only know a few people, perhaps only colleagues.  Even in a seemingly large city however, a special small town vibe emerges to help us feel at home and all of a sudden we are making new friends, and then in some cases, we feel like we know everyone. Even with all this however,the social life in the Kong can be taxing or for some,not varied enough, or simply lacking in depth. 

I just finshed reading the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell and he refers to a game called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with the idea that any actor can be linked to Kevin Bacon within six steps. This illustrates the point of connections and how small the world really is.  If you have lived and traveled in Asia this is particularly true.  In fact, just this morning I added some new friends to Facebook I met in Bali and realized we had a number friends in common in Hong Kong, though they are from elsewhere.
The world is small.  But just because it is small does it mean these connections are meaningful?

Why does it matter?  Personal connections are very powerful.  What I'd like to discuss here is how to make more of them, and how to make the ones you have deeper.  After all, the saying is "it's not what you know, it's who you know".

Hong Kong is such a driven city, many of our social lives are based on business networking or business socializing.  In a city obsessed with name cards, how many do you go home with at the end of a night out and think "who is that?". Drinking in bars and clubs is not always the ideal way to connect with people either.  How many people do you "know" when you go out, but you really don't "know" much about them?

One of the first things I can recommend to changing up your social scene is to get out of your "autopilot" routine.  Do something totally different.  Think about the kind of people you would like to meet and where you might find them.  It may take a little research, but it is well worth it.

I'll give you an example.  Recently, I went to see Robin Sharma, hosted by Speakers Connect.  Robin Sharma wrote books like The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and The Greatness Guide.  I went to see Robin, but I also went to meet the people that were also there to see Robin.  I met some pretty great people.  One of them was Pricilla Chan who runs Speakers Connect - a Division of Next Chapter Event Management and is now hosting Malcolm Gladwell this week.  I also met Alice Kaushal, who is a Business Etiquette & Communications Trainer,of Refine Consulting.  She and I immediately connected and I signed up for a series of her workshops.  I have met numerous people I see and speak to on a regular basis now via those events. It has been a real gift meeting and getting to know these people.

I want to share some tips of mine and some tips that Alice shared at her events Brilliant Networking and
Effective Communication.
 
1) Go it alone sometimes!  Personally I LOVE going out alone.  I even travel alone for the pure adventure of not knowing who I will meet.  If you go with friends, chances are you are going to talk to your friends and you are less likely to branch out and meet new people.  You don't have to do it all the time, but if you really want to meet new people, try it!
 
2) Alice recommends checking the news before you go to the event (or wherever you are going).  Have something to discuss. Be the one that can get the conversation going.  Asking questions (and being genuinely interested), and listening.  Personally, listening is something that I have learned as I have grown as a coach, but also as a person, can be so beautiful.  We sometimes think that we always need to say something, when just holding space for someone and being present can be equally
important.

3) Give the person you are speaking to your full attention.  This means not answering your phone, or emails. It may seem obvious, but when was the last time you had a blackberry or iPhone free conversation with someone?  How can you have a meaningful connection with someone with two blackberries going off in the middle?

4)This point is one of my favorites that I took away from Alice's event and will keep your dwindling business card stock in check.
 Exchange contact information with people you have had a memorable conversation with.  Have a goal of connecting with  two or three people as opposed to spraying the room with your cards.  Clearly there are cultural considerations in HK about card exchange so make a note or two if need be to remember who it was.

5) Follow-up with people you enjoyed meeting within 48 hours.  In a world of computers and smart phones, our instinct is to send someone an email, friend them on facebook or send an sms.  If you really want to connect with someone - pick up the phone and call them.  Make plans to see them again sometime soon.  After meeting at Robin Sharma, Alice called me on the phone to follow up.  I can't tell you how nice it was to get her call.  I realized how seldom we make or receive calls and have
since put this into practice.

6) This tip is the most important of all and depending on how you use it - it can add amazing depth and value to your life and the life of others.  Alice discussed it with us in the context of business, but you can apply it in anyway really. 

"How can I help you?" 

Notice there is nothing after it.  There are no conditions.  This is powerful.  Consider the idea of helping someone with something, introducing someone to someone or giving someone something simply because you can.  It will add incredible depth to any relationship, but it will also show you your true capabilities as a person.

There is no time like the present.  Cut out the excuses and take action. In my blog Top 5 Ways to Declutter Your Life, I talked about getting rid of negative people. Just like a bad habit, it is hard to go cold turkey.  It is much more effective to start replacing the old, with new more positive people that enrich your life.  Check the Hip Hong Kong calendar for what is on this week.  Have you bought your ticket to see Malcolm Gladwell yet?  Just imagine who you could meet there...

Maybe he or she could change your life.

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