Can One Find True Love in Hong Kong?
Facebook is aweome because you get all kinds of insights and opinions from friends who make comments. Recently I started a thread from a facebook status update which read:
"Anita is wondering if true love can actually be found in Hong Kong or are male/female liasons just some sort of arrangement for sex, security, money or to evade boredom."
Within 3 hours, I had 36 comments and the comments kept flowing in for the rest of the night. I'll publish the thread here as it was super interesting.
Spence: It can be found, but not easily kept.
the latter is more common.
Greg: It can be found anywhere, but usually when you are trying hard to NOT find it.....Hong Kong is no different to anywhere else in that it is something that is outside of your Self.
Anita P: Perhaps love takes too much energy and people are too lazy and busy to let it flourish in a fast-paced city like Hong Kong?
James: I have come to the same conclusion. You may have to move somewhere else.
Sami: Samui is a quiet place but it's the same thing!
Anita P: There's too many man-childs over there in Thailand sleeping with prostitutes and there are many broke guys as well. At least in Hong Kong men can afford to buy you dinner and a drink.
Sami: Hahaha you're right. so I am resigned to my fate :)
CJ: Big cities are thus.
Justin: CJ as a man, like me, who stays true to his girls I disagree. Cities don't make a person :)
Gerry: No offence Anita, but your last comment really hits the spot. Love isn't about someone buying you dinner and/or a drink. Love is about sharing (giving and receiving) energy. The greatest thing about love is that if you are able to give true, unconditional (and here's the catch!) love, you are able to receive the same and much much more.. love doesn't take energy, it creates energy.
Anita P: Nice one Gerry! The unconditional part is something few people know how to put into practice. I know about true love creating energy- but in the absence of that deeper connection, women in Hong Kong must settle for free drinks instead- so they can get drunk enough to alleviate their boredom with superficial liasons and drunk enough to satisfy their libidos with the justification that 'they were drunk'.
Gerry: Ask some buddhist monks, they should be around there enough in HK and Thailand. They can tell you all about unconditional love (and NO, don't ask them for drinks!)
But, that's the beauty of life: you get what you ask for.. especially if you are a beautiful female creature ;)
So the 500.000 euro question (sorry I'm european) is, Anita; ARE you looking for true love?
Anita P: No hahahaa.. It's a rhetorical question. I'm looking for true universal love for all creatures and people- not romantic love. In my experience, romantic love never lasts and seems to be a 'concept' rather than something enduring and tangible. Funnily in Hong Kong- even the Buddhist monks are begging for money on the street. It's a really spiritual place- Hong Kong.
Julia: People need to understand that life is a matter of choices. Choosing true love may sometimes mean compromising on success, money, independence and selfishness. Modern society too often glorifies values that don't go well with the concept of true and pure love. That's our problem!
Bob: So... broke guys find no love? lol
Anita P: @Bob- in the profound words of Kanye West- "I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke nigga"
Gerry: Hmm.. they told me they don't beg, but people believe it's an honour and privilege to be able to feed the monk(ee)s... and I believed that.. they tricked me, those orange bums!
Don't be so brave Anita, everyone is looking for love, don't let your experiences (disappointments?) tell you otherwise ;-)
@ Bob. It's the other way around. Broke guys are more likely to find true love, because they can't afford the fake materialistic conditional version of it. The lucky bastards!...
Aaron: LOL!! Diamonds are forever.....
Carrie: No it is this city. ask any girl if you want a relationship in HK you have to BYOB- Bring Your Own Boyfriend
Aaron: Anything worth doing is not easily achieved......IN the immortal words of Wimpy: I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today... Going Dutch! Is the best way to find truth in Hong Kong.... Wink Wink
Anita P: This is the worst city for relationships. You come here with a boyfriend or husband and not too long after he is in Wanchai picking up maids at Laguna or dating one of your ex-girlfriends.
Jose: True love is being hacked by unfair market conditions. Offer and Demand statistics shows that one guy could love up to 5 girls with out messing with somebody else's woman. So let's up date the loving scenario ASAP. We are ready to sacrifice and take care of 6 girls x head (further market up date might be neccesary)
Arnie: Pessimistic are we ?
Mark: You don't choose love. Love chooses you.
All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you....
Gerry: Nice Mark. I guess you don't live in HongKong either?
Mark: Oh, but I do! haha
Anita P: And how many maids have you picked up at Laguna Marc?
Mark: Nah, I don't like Laguna
Anita P: So the conclusion is- all you need to do is ask the universe for true love and you can have it whenever you want (with or without money). However true love requires selflessness in order to be unconditional- but it's worth it.
Also, no matter how many times you get shat on by the opposite sex, you should never become jaded and that you should always appreciate connections- no matter how brief- and always have hope that a true, pure and lasting love is out there. Whew, that's a very tall order!
Ben: Ahhhh, love and Hong Kong...this sounds like a topic my brother and I have touched on one too many times. Understand your angst...if you wanna find a decent guy, move somewhere else. Same applies for guys looking for women. This town will always be too fast and too easy for people to take anything seriously...chin up, don't fret, mr right will come.
Anita P: Not looking for Mr. Right! Actually it was meant to be rhetorical :) I'll move to Europe eventually- just in Honkers to make some cash!
Ben: Welcome to the reason why everyone is here!
Michelle: Some sharing (From Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary)
Marriage: noun. the legal relationship between a husband and wife.
Relationship: noun. a loving and/or sexual friendship between two people.
Love: noun. a strong feeling of affection for sb that you are sexually attracted to.
Sexual: adj. [usually before noun] connected with the physical activity of sex. [only before noun] connected with the process of producing young.
(Therefore, no matter what it is, it's all basic instinct of human beings, once it's solved, all will go back to the origin (starting point)
Anita P: Ah Ha! So basically the only reason for love is so people have sex, babies are created and the human race continues to be perpetuated. I always suspected that.
Cliff: If I understand it correctly, the word "unconditional" means just that, unconditional, which means you should love your partner unconditionally even if he sleeps with five prostitutes or your best girlfriend. So think carefully if that's something you really want or you want "practical" love.
As always there's no free lunch.
Michelle: Besides, There's one issue which is the gender proportion in HK with people in the "golden age".. Guys is much more than Ladies in HK in general regardless of the nationality
On the other hand, if talking about expats, from objective observation, they generally have 3 different categories in general (excluding those that are permament and have family in Asia): The exploiter, The lifestyle seekers and The Passing Through ..
Therefore in conclusion, it's kind of challenging to find true love in here..however there is still a lot of succesful case around. Keep the faith Anita!
Gerry: Isn't a prostitute someone who has sex for money? I have to be careful with this, but aren't a lot of women doing basically the same thing, having sex with rich guys, buying them dinner and drinks (maybe a little more if they're lucky)
@Cliff: unconditionally means giving without expecting something in return. Don't rape the concept please
Anita P: BTW @Gerry- If a man is constantly attracting women who are excessively materialistic then there is some insecurity within himself that says he needs to hide under a cover of material wealth.
In biological terms, women are always seeking for successful men because A) it is a sign of intelligence and not laziness B) a man who has a high income is more likely to offer a better life to potential future offspring- so no- I do not blame women for biologically seeking a successful man.
Anita P: Wow- just as this thread was happening, I was having a chat with friend (who has not read this status update at all) that said this was one of her favorite books.
I downloaded the free first chapter and it was so eye-opening and relevant to this very discussion. It's about agenda-based commitments and people loving from the head and not from the heart and how it's a bad approach. Very interesting stuff.
Gerry: Very interesting indeed.
"The Buddha, Christ, Lao Tzu, and many others taught
that the awakening into consciousness, the flowering into our transcendental Self, is the highest peak of human evolution."
I still think you should pay those orange beggars a visit Liza;)
Alison: Thank you so much for starting this discussion Anita! Is like eavesdropping at a dinner or house party. I'm grounded by the volcano in the UK right now and to be so surrounded by couples wearing 'normal' clothes and going about their 'normal' business feels a lot more grounded than skyscrapers and wanchai. Those epic highs and lows are gone. Love seems more attainable here.
Natasha: Why this does not surprise me that there is a bunch of posts on this- HK is NOT a place for a relationships, and iut eventually wears down all the single expats who even if werent looking find there choice of partner is limited to dusk to dawn pick ups with someone you wouldn't go near if back in home country...hate to say, but only solution is leaving. enjoy it for what it is, a long spring break.
Anita P: I realized that I totally believe in true love- whatever geographical location you may be in. What I don't believe in is the phony idea of an agenda-based commitment, particularly the dated concept of marriage, which is a contrived institution that binds the spirit and forces you to stay inside a box in order to adhere to a certain convention.
I will enjoy Hong Kong while I’m here, in the now, for all it’s quirks and foibles, however in the future, perhaps after I make my fortune here, I will move to Europe where the value systems are much more in line with my own.
Phew! I think this is the longest discussion I've ever seen on facebook besides another one I saw when someone's else facebook got hijacked and his status said "I'm really sad I have such a small penis."
So what do you Single and the City readers think about this topic? Please feel free to post comments in the comment box below.
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Thanks to the late 20th century technology the Danish Maria and Martijn of Holland met on a chatline. For months they've talked and sent letters to each other with the help of their computers as they found themselves falling head over heels in love. It was then they've decided to meet in the real, not only the virtual, world. It was not easy to arrange as the young man and his lady were separated by 700 very real kilometers, but the date was a success and Maria and Martijn have been living together happily ever since. They've created a home page to let the world know how they've found happiness via the Internet and introduce couples who've met under similar circumstances.
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Ugh. I hear the same question posed for every city, large, medium or small. Every locale has its challenges. Hong Kong is a transient city that attracts adventurous and ambitious types which is a positive and a negative. People who value novelty, exploration and excitement over the comfort of a daily routine and a long-term community. So they're probably not the kinds of people who think they need to be in a long-term serious relationship to gain a certain level of satisfaction in their lives.
However, adventurers are more likely to be most attracted to other adventurers. I know I might not be the best match for the guy who enjoys life in his mid-sized Midwestern city (I am American), prefers to take his vacations to the same fishing hole in upstate Minnesota every summer, and orders the same thing at the same kinds of restaurants every time he goes out. And there are a lot less people like him in Hong Kong than there are people like me.
I've seen many couples meet and fall in love here, witnessed Facebook statuses change to "In a Relationship" to "Engaged" to "Married". I've seen children born to married couples who met in Hong Kong. I've seen men who seemed like consummate field-players meet the "right girl" and start officially dating within weeks. I've also seen a lot of relationships fail after the 3-month or 6-month mark but that's probably due more to conflicting desires, relationship styles and timelines than the Hong Kong air.
I'd like to find love soon. I'm turning 30 in a month and as a single female that's a fairly big and not entirely positive deal! I've entertained the thought of going back to my mid-sized American city to find Mr. Husband (note how I did not say Mr. Right) but figured it would take me as much time to find someone I'd like enough to spend a good chunk of the next several years with there as it would here. Odds good, goods odd - that kind of thing.
So let's all just chill out. There's a lot of opportunity for people to be selfish screw-ups in Hong Kong and other large cities but the selection might be more favorable. In other words, it might take us longer to find someone who is open and ready to love but when we do find that person in Hong Kong it will be much, much more awesome than whatever relationship we'd have with Mr. Indianapolis.
these people sound like absolute morons. What is the age profile here? 10 - 12?
Forget about asking the IQ.
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