If It Acts Like a Dog, It Must Be One

I was on the verge of breaking up with a guy who I’d been seeing for slightly more than a year. I was teetering on the decision, because in some way I was trying to convince myself that maybe we could still make it work, even though I knew in my heart it was over.

“Are you sure you want to be single in Hong Kong?” Dan asked.
“I’d rather be single than unhappy,” I replied.
“Well, it’s just that all of my Western girl friends complain that it’s hard finding a boyfriend because all the men here want Asian women. I’m sure you’d have guys in the U.S. lined up around the block to date you, but here, there’s so much competition.”
“What are you saying?” I snapped. “I can’t get guys here?”
“You are attractive regardless of where you are,” he said. “I’m just saying the odds are against you when factoring in the nationality that most of the men prefer.”

Okay, so maybe Dan has a point, but I think there’s a lot of hype in his statements. After all, we are in Hong Kong so of course the majority rules. We live in a metropolis of flavors, so why stick to only butter pecan when there’s French vanilla, chocolate and caramel? Welcome to Labia Land!

White boys are the minority, so even the most aesthetically challenged men are pulling birds they most likely would never get back home…the bonus being, the chicks aren’t complaining about the toilet seat being up. Let’s not forget that we Western gals are also the minority and must be in high demand. We just don’t know it. I personally have an outbreak of yellow fever; it’s just hindered by the local guy who needs to grow a pair and start approaching me. Seriously, they could learn a thing or two from the vehement Pakistanis that have been charging at me like a bull let loose on the streets of Pamplona.

The truth is, if local women were my only “competitors” I’d be thrilled. However, we are living in a majestic playground for adults where anything goes. Let me take you back to the trouble with my now ex-boyfriend. I’m going to call him Jake.

I once read in Cosmopolitan that the bigger the guy’s bed is, the bigger the ego. When Jake got a bed made that was 7 feet by 7 feet, I asked if he was planning on having orgies in it. You see, Jake is a beautiful narcissist who’s critical, selfish, and opportunistic. It’s because of these qualities that I was ending the relationship, but after finding out he really wanted guys, I was able to run and never look back. I had my doubts about Jake when he once told me “I have no problem letting a guy suck my dick”. When we went shopping for HIS big latex dildo, I thought I was being open-minded, completely naïve to the fact that straight men do not want rubber cocks jabbing their balloon knot. He was on a mission to explore his preference of top or bottom, and the many men of craigslist were especially ready to help him find out.

This discovery opened my eyes to an entire world of straight/ bi-curious/bi-sexual/still in the closet men in Hong Kong. After becoming hip to the exorbitant numbers of straight and curious men soliciting partners online, I was shocked! I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality, but c’mon guys, let a sistah know! I think the shit has run rampant! On a positive note, I’m now aware and on the lookout for even the slightest sign of a shifting sexuality!

So what if my ex-boyfriend is gay/bi-sexual/bi-curious??? I was newly single and thought it couldn’t get much worse than that. Ah, these were the thoughts of a seemingly prudent 30-year-old already looking ahead.

I started seeing Leo and he seemed quite normal. He partied too much and was irresponsible when it came to work, but he played squash and the violin for Christ’s sake! Unlike my ex, he was sweet, generous and affectionate. We kept things casual because he was leaving in six months, but it was a nice pseudo-relationship…one that I wanted to keep pure and untainted.

Rule #1- Never have expectations.

Rule #2-Pill heads will never make good partners, even if only short-term.

One night, Leo and I were out; when out of the blue he confessed to me that he sometimes urinates in bars while ordering a drink. I thought he was joking because I couldn’t get my head around why someone would do that. I was disgusted and kept waiting for him to confess that he was having a laugh at my expense. He never did.

Rule #3- If it acts like a dog, then it must be one.

Rule #4-If he doesn’t respect himself or those around him, than he will never respect you.

Even though my instinct told me to end things then and there, I decided to look past the public pissing and continue on. Two weeks before Leo was leaving, I asked him if he had been sleeping with anyone else. He kept trying to avoid the subject, but I pressed on. Finally he said, “Two weeks ago while I was on holiday I had sex with a cat.”

I was immediately reminded of his previous confession. It felt exactly the same only worse.

“How is that even possible?”
No response. No denial. Just a blank stare.
“You are joking right?”

He turned away from me and stared at the T.V. He managed to get out the words, “I’m not talking about this anymore”.

I was overwhelmed by immediate apprehension and got up from the seat next to him. Did he really just, err…let the cat out of the bag? Regardless of what his deal was, my instincts told me to get the hell out. Suddenly his whole demeanor changed. He became incredibly angry and told me I was “being a child” when I started gathering my stuff. As I turned to walk out of the flat, he followed me while shouting obscenities and telling me never to call him or come back to his place. He wouldn’t have to worry about that.

Rule #5- Never ignore a strong sense of intuition.
Ironically enough, it was he who was calling and sending me text messages up until the day he left. I neglected a response. There was no need.

As for now, I’m perfectly content being single. I’m using this time to practice the art of loving through the relationship with myself. Because of Leo and Jake, I learned to never neglect a warning worth heeding. In some cases, you can’t avoid a catastrophic ending, but when the signs are present…follow your hunch.

The Bza
 

• ‹ previous
• 27 of 36
• next ›