In Defense of the Goldigger
Everyone always says girls in Hong Kong are only after guys with money. Personally I don’t understand why the term ‘goldigger’ should be so derogatory. In fact, why label people in the first place? As far back as the caveman days, women have been looking for partners that can provide them with a sense of security. And what’s so wrong with a woman wanting to be reassured that her partner is successful and not some lazy-ass slacker that doesn’t have a cent in the bank?
When I was much younger, I used to have a penchant for starving artists. My first boyfriend was so broke, I took him and his friends out for lunch on my meager salary. I even bought clothes for him. My mom used to scold me and say that it was just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man. I used to laugh that off thinking she had no idea about love. Later on, that guy ditched me for a stripper. She was obviously a better meal ticket than I was.
Now that I’m a little older and living in Hong Kong- I can safely say that my mom had a point about the broke guys. For example, I went on a date with this cute guy working as a teacher. He suggested we go to a casual place on Elgin Street since they have buy 1 main get one free on Monday. He was a nice guy, a bit geeky but funny. I was undecided whether I like him romantically or not. When the bill came, there was this tense moment. He looked in his frayed wallet, shuffled some bills around and I could see there was almost nothing in there. “Ummm I don’t have much cash on me.” he said nervously. “Do you mind if we put it on your credit card and I’ll give you my half?” Honestly I was unimpressed. It wasn’t like we were dining at Zuma. After that, I definitively put him in the ‘friend zone’. This is going to sound harsh but someone who cannot afford a first date will not be getting to first base. The fact that a man can't pay for a meal says something about a man's caretaker ability or their unwillingness to be giving.
On another occasion, I met a gorgeous man at a bar on Wyndham. His blue eyes were so beautiful I wanted to go swimming in them. We talked, laughed and the chemistry was so obvious my posse of wingwomen were giving me the thumbs up from across the room because even they could feel it. After about half an hour, my glass was dry. I thought it was odd that he hadn’t offered to buy me a drink since we were standing at the bar- so I ordered one and paid for it myself. He watched me do it. I made a mental note that he didn’t even have the common courtesy to offer me a drink but I was so physically attracted to him that I decided to overlook it.
After hanging out with him a few times at different events (where the drinks were sponsored), I asked him to come over and have dinner with me on my terrace. I bought flowers, lit the candles, and made a beautiful steak dinner with a couple of bottles of gorgeous red wine. After dinner, we watched a DVD and he fell asleep on the couch. It occurred to me that I had to clean the plates off the terrace (because of roaches) and make sure all the candles were blown out. He snoozed away while I cleaned everything up. He never thanked me for dinner. He never remarked at the effort I made to create a nice ambience. In fact, I noticed that not only was he stingy with money but he was stingy at giving compliments too. Later on, he divulged he had been living out of a suitcase for years- like a homeless person! He was unstable, insecure, inconsiderate, broke as a joke and (as I heard later through the grapevine) sleeping with several girls at the same time. How did such a gorgeous man turn so ugly?
When I confronted him about not buying me a drink or not helping me with the dishes, he actually admitted that he thought him and I were walking different paths so he was not going to go out of the way to make any effort. Umm yeah- he’s walking down a different path alright- out my door and down the one-way street to loserville- ALONE!
On the other side of the spectrum, I know what it’s like to be wined and dined at some of Hong Kong’s finest restaurants.. I know what's it's like to be swept off my feet and taken on luxury holidays. Once you have a taste of that lifestyle- it’s really hard to be with someone who cannot even buy you a drink- let alone take care of you in the event that you decide to start a life or a family together. I’m not saying I wouldn’t fall in love with an middle income kind-hearted guy who was worth my time, but if you have a choice, why struggle when you can choose to like someone successful? My mom was right!
One of my gorgeous girlfriends is what most people would consider a shameless gold digger. One time she liked this Aston Martin so much she put her phone number on the car window as a joke. She was drooling over the rich soccer players in the World Cup and saying- “I would pop out as many babies as X player would want. I would do anything to make him happy. I would study how to be a soccer wife.” She has even consulted the hiphongkong gold diggers guide and can frequently be seen at many of the venues described in this article.
Currently she’s dating a nice guy who is getting by but isn’t particularly prosperous and she is just not that into him. “ I know this is going to sound bad” she says “but if he was the same exact guy, same looks and personality but he had a Rolls, a house in Repulse Bay and he could fly me around staying in nice hotels, I’d be madly in love with him. I just want that lifestyle. I don’t want to have an awkward moment when the bill comes!”
Before you start bashing gold diggers, think again. Don’t get me wrong- there are calculating bimbos who think having a collection of Christian Loubutain shoes is what makes life worth living. These girls don’t have enough sense to make their own cash hence they need to depend on men for monetary support.
However- there are a lot of “gold diggers” whom are actually smart, successful women with good hearts. These women just know what they want. They don’t want to be with a loser. They want a fabulous lifestyle with a financially stable man, in fine surroundings, traveling and staying in nice hotels, dressed impeccably, eating beautiful food and drinking the best wine. They want to put their children in the best schools. In all honesty, what is wrong with aspiring to have that lifestyle??
I’m not saying that wealthiness is next to godliness. Obviously there are affluent men who are criminals or spoiled trust fund brats who have entitlement complexes and are assholes. Smart women should have enough sense to avoid those guys. Girls should not get so caught up in material trappings that they can't see into a person's heart and tell whether or not they are a good person.
Let’s face it though- success is sexy. Success says something about a person’s character. It suggests that a person is most likely savvy, intelligent, diligent or innovative. And haven't girls been attracted to alpha-males since the dawn of time?
I’m sorry- but I don’t want to struggle with losers anymore. I’ve worked hard and I expect to be with an equal- a confident, good-hearted man who doesn’t have to scramble to make ends meet. I’m making no apologies for this; If I have to choose between a struggling artist who is going to dump me for a stripper or a guy who can afford to fly me to his villa in the South of France, then give me biggest shovel I can find. I’ll be mining for the gold.
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you know what really is the best lifestyle? being a woman who is smart enough to support herself, and can fall in love with a human being, not material security.
It's a balanced equation what, guys like beautiful women, ladies like wealthy men. There is totally nothing wrong in that.
But there are just THAT many wealthy men and beartiful women, most of us are not in these categories.
So while ladies you want to be gold diggers, unless your ownself are within similar rank, be prepared to fail and stay single.
It's all about expectations, on both sides.
And would you please lend me that shovel when you're done, please, Miss Liza?
Double winks for a bitingly honest entry. Can I get a woop woop?
Wow, where are you meeting all these decent rich guys? Certainly not in Hong Kong...
Love it. Thank you for saying it bluntly and explaining it well. Hats off to you my dear.
Hmm very interesting article this one.
As a male myself, and admittedly not rich, I must say that, although I am not 100 percent supportive of the concept of gold digging, I do fully support the principles behind why a lot of women do did for gold.
When I take a good, honest, hard nosed look at myself, I am able to admit that yes, at this present moment, I am not in the condition to be the best provider of what women do indeed look for when seeking out potential relationships. Good times and fun persona's ?? yep not such a worry. Financial security.. tough call here, but not in the condition I wish to be in, hence may not be in the condition others would like me in either. I know within myself that I am working towards things and I will get there in good time. Oh well hither dither - I might be missing out now, but life is a long term project, so there you go. Read into my commentary how you indeed will.
One point that really got my eye open here was the whole celebrity thing ( the soccer players ) and really I guess it trickles down to all wealthy people and those seeking them, and its got to do with ... ETHICS.
I think the OP does have a solid point here when mentioning personal choices. We do have the right to make our own choices - I think we as people just need to make sure we have all our ideals, Ps and Qs, and philosophies in order and synchronised with the whole idea of dating rich.
I think we need to ask ourselves some serious questions .... these may include...
How did the person actually get rich ?? Was it through hard work, or being parts of organisations ( which shall remain nameless ) which promise the world should one " sign the dotted line " so to speak ??
If the answer to the 2nd part of the above is a yes, then would you still be with them or chase them ??
Are you are hard worker yourself ?? Or do you sponge off others ??
How much of yourself are you prepared to part with in order to be in, and indeed date within, the rich peoples club ??
Hmm I know they are all philosophical lol, but still need to be considered when deciding such matters I do feel.
Everyone is entitled to their own. We just gotta make sure we are happy, fulfilled, enlightened and educated in enacting our own.
Girls looking for money, guys looking for beauty... Is there any difference? I believe it's exactly the same. Beauty and money don't mean happiness but surely help us taking the right path...
People.....chill out, is just an article, there's always 3 sides to any stories. Dont hate the player, hate da game y'all!
I find this SINGLE-IN-THE-CITY to be incredibly short sited, but then again mist gold diggers are. As someone who gave up a life of luxury and high salary in order to be a poor artist, I can tell you a few things from my own experiences. When I had money, I treated my dates like queens and there was never a shortage of good looking women who were 'interested' in me. Once I announced that I was changing my lifestyle because I was not happy as a corporate slave and thought there was more to life than giving up a considerable amount of my energy, time and freedom in exchange for a fat paycheck, immediately the good looking babes dropped off the radar screen, like flies! The gorgeous girl I had been dating for 2 years 'turned on me' and all of a sudden realized we are not "compatible". She promptly found a rich banker wanker with a ferrari to latch on to, yet all along she'd been playing the i-am-not-the-kind-of-girl-who-goes-after-rich-guys part so well that she is worthy of an Oscar.
I am now dating for more than two years, a quiet and lovely girl who loves me for who I am, not for how much money I have in my bank account. I consider myself incredibly lucky to be with her and I let her know with my actions, every day. I never had any respect for gold diggers and never will. I also find it incredibly hypocritical, now that women have their own careers and want to be equals to men they still expect the man to pay, especially for the first date, isn't that sick and twisted? You can never trust a gold digger just as you can never trust a rich boy, they both keep their options open and constantly look for something better, the former are driven by greed, the latter by lust.
A warning: I know several women who spent the best years of their youth as gold diggers, showered with gifts by their rich boyfriends / partners, flown to luxury holidays and living the high life. But once they were over thirty and started to lose their good looks, they got dumped for fresher meat (as the cantonese saying goes: sap-ba sui, bokbok choy or 18 years old, fresh as crunchy veggies). These women still look good for their age but they struggle to find a mate and are constantly depressed. The harder they try the more pathetic they look. So to all you gold diggers out there, a piece of advice: once you have latched on to rich boy, don't relax and let complacency ruin everything, keep fighting for more, a wedding, a property, children, make sure you can keep your man locked-in and when you are forty five or fifty and you wake up one morning realizing you never knew what true love is, then try to console yourself that at least you got lots of shoes and pretty dresses, or else look up that old poor artist you shunned many years before, most probably he is still penniless but much happier than you.
As for the poor guys, artists, teachers and so called slackers, my advice to you is if you find a gold digger that can buy you a meal or a few drinks, do what they do, take full advantage of them until they realize you are poor, but don't be discouraged, there are plenty of girls out there who are beautiful inside and out and are not looking for cash to be happy, these girls know what they want too, they want peace and harmony and a life void of suspicion and paranoia. If you are patient enough, you will find them, or rather… they will find you.
Yes, different strokes for different folks indeed, you make your choices and you live your life by them, the more these choices pay off in the short run, the more devastated you will likely end up being in the long run, you sure you want to be a gold digger? Best of luck in your endeavors.
"I also find it incredibly hypocritical, now that women have their own careers and want to be equals to men they still expect the man to pay, especially for the first date, isn't that sick and twisted?"
Men should pay for the first few dates at the very least, and as long as there are men who are willing and able to pay for the first few dates, the men who view such a practice as "sick and twisted" will always be at a major disadvantage.
I don't think women want to be *equals* to men in the true sense of the word. In the workplace or other arenas where one's gender is immaterial to your performance it only makes sense to treat women and men as equals. Conversely, it would be wholly unfair for men and women to be treated as equals in most sporting events (except, say, equestrian and race car driving) due to the vast discrepancies between the strength, flexibility and agility of men and women.
In relationships between two people of the opposite sex, gender is a natural component of the two roles that people are expected to play. How much one really buys in to traditional gender roles is a matter of personal preference, but most people like their mates to superficially adhere to certain standards of behavior.
Men don't want a promiscuous woman so if she sleeps with him too soon she runs the risk of him losing interest quickly. Women of all income levels tend to gravitate toward providers, so a guy who is unwilling to pay for a first date will be seen as unwilling to fill a basic gender role. Whenever we flout gender norms/expectations we run the risk of alienating our potential mates.
TIP: If you're worried about spending money on a girl who might turn out to be a dud, take her to a cheaper restaurant or just go for drinks. Plus, if you're picking the restaurant without regard to her personal financial situation and you suggest going dutch - thoughtless.
And as for your ex-girlfriend? How much did you discuss this life/career change with her? When you involve someone else in your life you can't make these kinds of decisions unilaterally. Maybe she left you because she thought this was a selfish decision on your part that didn't take her life into account.
We all would love to cease being "corporate drones" and become rockstars but if there's a chance in the future that someone else (a future child, a future spouse) might be depending on your income, jettisoning a stable income to fulfill an infantile fantasy is completely selfish!
You clearly are superficial for finding importance in this topic.
It's like a CNN Headline broadcasting about Lindsay Lohan going to jail - people with real lives, as in, they care about humanity and not handbags, don't give a sh*t.
Please, Hip Hong Kong, do not go down this line of mindless journalism. you have proven to be more cultured than this.
A note from the editor- We do not label articles which explore relationship dynamics 'mindless journalism'. Isn't life all about relationships with others?
Since this blog made it's debut- even with the first story- there was a huge outcry from the hiphongkong audience for more stories about relationships and dating in Hong Kong.
Hiphongkong is a site where people come to meet each other. We publicize events where people can meet, we advise people where to drink with each other, where to get facials, what to wear etc... so one can look good when they do get that date. We advise our audience on where to take their date or friends for dinner. Hiphongkong is all about people, being social, and enjoying your time in Hong Kong. It's all about connections and relationships. There is nothing here which remotely resembles sensational journalism or mindless celeb gossip. It's all about the readers, the writers and their real encounters with others.
Obviously judging by the amount of comments posted to this blog, this topic is one of interest to our readers. In addition, most of the comments are well thought out and eloquently stated. This blog makes people think and reflect on their values and how they want to relate to others. It's very important, and we feel- very interesting. Most of these blogs have a lesson attached to them if you read carefully.
love this article. "principle" is all good and well; but "principle" doesn't always equal "survival." (OK, they're not always mutually exclusive, either). people happily procreating is a happier vision of the future - of the survival of the species.
xo
Gold diggers are a part of life. Guys with money know this, and are smart enough to take advantage of them. This article is far from new, and the issue has been vented for years.
I wanted to share this article which highlights how guys see gold diggers. Frankly, they are fairly easy to spot. I can't help but smile when I read his reply...
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm
Keep gold diggin'. We like it, and when we get bored we move on.
Fair enough girls, but what is success?
Of course nobody wants to be with a looser, but does success always need to be a big bank account?
At the moment, sums of money large enough to fly you to your french chateaux can be almost only acquired over morally doubtful ways or inheriting.
Getting rich is not difficult. Doing it in a morally good way is.
Therefore 90% of the really rich guys have somehow a twisted ego or no moral integrity. And I met many...
Be prepared to deal with that!
Since this gold digger deal does have many aspects of a "deal", don't be surprised if it is treated like one once the merchandise is old.
Straight forward: Don't start wining when your family breaks up and you get replaced by a 10 years younger version of yourself in a few years. Because that is what happens with old stuff you once bought.
You replace it...
the author of this article puts penniless guys in an unflattering light. But in real life, many rich guys are also jerks who treat women like rubbish. i am not rich myself, but I know enough to understand that money alone will not satisfy my needs in the long term. money helps, but at the end of the day its not going to be enough. love, compassion and respect is what makes a relationship last.
Interesting article indeed. I actually enjoyed reading it and getting a 'glimpse' into a woman's mind.
Well, some of us men still do have ol' fashion values of paying for dates, treating a woman with respect and listening to her rather than trying to solve all her problems.
As far as finding the shovel....well, kindly note that we too do think with our craniums and can differentiate between Gold Digging and a woman that is truly worth being treated like a Queen and the some.
Personally, being pretty may initially be the catalyst to turning around and 'eyeing' the woman, that easily is overcome by how she interacts. If she is gorgeous and stuck up - her personality overcomes her outer beauty.
I would rather be with somebody that is down to earth and can carry a conversation about anything in general, give an opinion without worrying about being politically correct, rather than a woman that says "well, if you truly love me you'll buy me this".
...Oh, for the record, I am not stingy with my well earned pay - if the woman has a beautiful heart, she is worth every penny to me.
Like, like, like!! A woman should never concentrate on what a man can offer her; rather it should be a give and take. If you find a rich, dedicated, good-hearted man that you have chemistry with then as a woman you should make yourself attractive- not just through your physical appearance but though kind-hearted acts, caring for and supporting that person, with an understanding of when to give that person their space. This is what makes a woman attractive on a longer term basis.
Guess it also helps if you're great in bed and do what you can to stay in shape! (sorry just being honest)
I very much enjoyed this article and recognized immediately that it was tongue-in-cheek for the most part. Let's be honest, ladies (I am a girl). It's a major turnoff (one of the biggest ones) when a guy says "geez, mind if we split this" on the FIRST date. While I politely offer to pay my share of the meal, this gesture is largely perfunctory and also serves to weed out the idiots who think that going dutch on a first date is acceptable. Don't get me wrong - if I like you I'll buy a round of drinks or cook for you at my place in a few weeks' time, I fully support the idea of sharing expenses (even dinner expenses) once the relationship becomes serious. But on a first date - don't think so!
I also 100% agree that a man who is stingy with his credit card will be stingy with his feelings, his time, and other non-monetary goods. He will be constantly putting a value on every aspect of the relationship, whether it be time spent, money spent, arguments won and so forth. Frugality is attractive and it's a completely different story if a guy is forced into a frugal corner due to being laid off or other bad economic circumstances. But I'll follow my mother's advice on this one - "if you find a man who is bad with money you can always teach him to be a better saver, but if you find a man who is stingy, you're best off finding a new man". She's been married for 30+ years.
“A man being rich is like a girl being pretty,” quoth Lorelei Lee. “You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?”
Witty and irreverent coming from Marilyn, but somehow less than charming in the gold digger apologetics of this article.
The ‘losers’ of the article were inconsiderate, deceitful and unfaithful. Therein their problem lies, not in comparative poverty. And I stress ‘comparative’, because I think for most people poverty is not synonymous with failure to purchase an Ashton Martin for some spoilt narcissist. While HipHK draws a lesson of not dating middle to low income individuals, may I suggest the alternative moral of not dating douchbags? Also, your friend is a psycho and probably not the shining example of gold diggory you want to hold up.
As a closing, you offer an interesting dichotomy: starving artist who will leave you for a stripper or rich sugar daddy and streets paved with Cartier. Which is kind of like Eddie Izzard’s “cake or death?” Is this a choice you’re often given? I’m just wondering. Poor and douchy or rich and lovely, oooh, cake or death…?
I love this comment! Finally something witty and well expressed. I like the alternative moral of not dating douchebags.
Enjoyed the article and did trigger some new thoughts...I think as long as that money is not the only thing I can see on that man, I, too would love to go for a wealthy man. Your mum's right - t it was just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man. Why go for the poor if I have worked hard all my life striving to succeed?
Says a lot about you that you have to date someone to get a villa. Why not earn one with your own success. Oh yeah, you're not smart enough, if you were you wouldn't be writing articles online.
Ummm actually, I'm a property investor and have sold a business before. I write because it's fun and I like to do it. I don't need a man- I just don't want to be with a loser or someone who is going to mooch off me. Any other assumptions?
A note from the editor- Firstly, we at hiphongkong do not advocate superficiality and we believe true love exists without material possessions. This article was published to show our readers a 'point of view' that many women in this town have.
We actually got a record number of hits on hiphongkong the day we released an article called "Where to dig for Gold in Hong Kong". Though the article was meant to be tongue in cheek and showcase some of the cool new venues around town, it showed us very clearly what the value systems are in Hong Kong.
If you find this article offensive- you should ask yourself why you find it offensive. Isn't it different strokes for different folks? and who are we to judge? If an article, as horrible as it sounds, causes you to reflect on your values, then we believe it was worth publishing.
Think what you will "Nancy" but obviously your unsupported name calling will not make me change my mind. Why don't you back up your simplistic comment with some intelligent, constructive feedback instead of just hating for hating's sake. I have my doubts that you are a woman at all. You're probably some cowardly broke man that is intimidated by a strong intelligent woman who knows what she wants.
I think you are an idiot. Your spelling is s h i t e and you are superficial and stupid.
It is very clear why you are single.
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