No, it’s not your imagination- these days, there’s a bigger contingent of women in their mid-thirties to fifties on the prowl. The soaring divorce rate and the subtle shift in women who are more career-minded, rather than marriage-minded, have fueled this evolution. In the past decades, women generally married men who were older and more stable while women who liked younger men were ridiculed for playing ‘Mrs. Robinson’ and were blasted for being cougars in kitten’s clothing. Back then, the guys who were ‘lured’ by older women were merely sexual pawns being duped by the wiley ways of the elder temptress. There was no way society was going to accept that and older woman and a younger man could have real feelings for each other.

Fast forward to the new millenium. The traditional notion of women marrying older, more financially stable men and staying at home is quickly becoming an anachronism, while the cougar pandemic is practically mainstream. Demi Moore rocked the gossip mags when she came out of the closet about her relationship to Ashton Kutcher- a man 14 years her junior. However, today, despite the stigma, the trend of younger men dating older women is on the rise. The movement has become so significant that it’s been mentioned in several books as well as featured on several talk shows in the US. There are even dating websites like gocougar.com and urbancougar.com which celebrate the pursuit of older women. These sites talk about the problems couples encounter when dating within this unconventional age-gap. They also glorify the trend as well as tell men where to go to date or hunt for (or rather be hunted by) so-called 'cougars'.


Older Women and Younger Men- Why Now? Why Not?

What motivates older women to date younger men? There are the obvious answers: younger men are more likely to be tighter, smoother, more idealistic and more energetic. Many such women have already had kids or been through long unhappy marriages are not looking for anything too heavy. Some women are content to have a light-hearted fling and enjoy a physical relationship with someone who is closer to their sexual peak rather than with some crinkly older man that needs Viagra to get an erection. Perhaps most importantly, a relationship or even a fling with a younger man can give some older women the feeling of being youthful again.

One woman gives her two cents, “I am not sure why it is acceptable for old man and girl child to date. I have always liked younger men. I get turned off by an old man these days, due to the fact that there are all these drugs they can take to keep their sexual drive. I believe if a man need drugs to be sexual with me then he is not a man. I must say that we older women should be proud to say that we do turn on a younger man and there is a lot of young men the will chase a cougar."

Generally speaking, younger men who like older women are initially attracted to them because they are more experienced or eager in bed. Men reach their sexual peak much earlier in life, so it makes biological sense that a younger man would be sexually interested in an older woman. Often, young men are drawn to the challenge of bedding down an insatiably wild cougar and once the conquest has been fulfilled, they wear it like some kind of immature ‘player’ trophy. Unfortunately, while some young guys can talk the talk and possibly con their way into dropping an older woman's panties, unfortunately, they often lack the maturity, finesse and sensitivity of someone who has been on earth for many more years.

On the flip-side, there are younger men who are experienced, considerate and intelligent and they have problems communicating and connecting with the whimsical caprices of women of their own age. Younger guys may also be attracted to older women because they might be wiser, richer, more self-assured, more worldly, more relaxed, have better coping skills and have less hang-ups about wanting a relationship.

In addition, with today’s advances in the health and beauty industry (24 hour gyms, cosmetic surgery etc..), women are looking younger and more desirable for longer. Yet another evolutionary marvel is the advances in medicine which are allowing women to procreate safely much later in life.

So with all these reasons fueling an evolutionary role reversal, why is there still a social stigma surrounding the older woman/younger man relationship?

One guy comments “I think the biggest thing that keeps society, in general, from just accepting this kind of relationship, is the sole fact that women are still unsure about it, and will not date a younger man for fear of what aforementioned society will think. So, it seems to be this is just vicious cycle, that society won’t accept it yet, because women worry what society will think, because society hasn’t accepted it yet. The only solution is for more women to go out on a limb and let that younger man take her out to dinner, and not worry what people will think.”

One guy eloquently explains, “I personally believe that a lot of people, specifically some younger guys, such as a number of my friends are immature and limit their view of relationships between younger guys and older women as purely sexual because they can't get beyond the idea of it being a social taboo. Any relationship can be "just about sex", young and old, same age, even same gender. What people tend to forget is that the opposite can be and often is overwhelmingly true, that there can be deep connection and strong feelings regardless of any "boundary". Relationships are what you make them. Some people are content with leaving it at just sex, most want something a little more but it is important that we do not neglect that in a good relationship there can be that passion within commitment beyond the stereotype of empty lust.”

Another guy tells his story, “I know from experience that it can work. When I was 21, I dated a forty-one year old woman who I met through friends. We dated for about six months and during that time became very close. I was moving pretty soon and it is because of that we didn't get closer than we otherwise would, however I have no doubt had I stayed, we would have continued seeing each other and the relationship would have grown. People do look down on older women with younger men. My family didn't like it much, the men for the most part did (go figure) but the women in my family had major problems with it. For it to work I think both people have to be secure enough to know that most people in the beginning are going to have issues, but you have to remember, if you like the person, if you care for each other, it shouldn't matter what other people think. I've always enjoyed dating older women. For me it's easier, less drama, and I find myself noticing I have more in common with them. Age is just a number, and happiness is what matters, regardless of how old one or the other is. I firmly believe you can find love in relationships where age is a factor, you just have to be OK with the fact a lot of other people won't be.”

In conclusion- If age is just a number and a mindset, why shouldn't society just live and let live? If two people meet who have a synergy, whether it be sexual or spiritual, does it really matter if one of them is older than the other? People are now saying that the media is making the older woman/younger man relationship trendy therefore more acceptable. I say good on the media if it's bringing awareness to people and helping people to become less judgemental. Older women, don't be afraid to roar!


So where can you hunt cougars in Hong Kong?

In Hong Kong, the number of 30 and 40 something divorcees with large alimony settlements is higher than most places in the world. These are probably the best places to meet them:

Dragon-I
Kee Club
M1NT

Where can a cougar find a younger man?

The gym
The bars around Pottinger Street like Yumla, Soda and Baby Buddha
Lan Kwai Fong
Dragon-I
Volar (although most young guys here won’t bat an eyelash at a cougar)